Tourist Spot U.S.A.

Opening fall of 2009!!! The largest tourist attraction in the world called Tourist Spot U.S.A.! is expected to draw crowds in the millions in the first month alone. The location is under wraps until the unveiling but busy construction crews are nearing completion and putting the finishing touches on a large plot of newly paved land in the Midwestern U.S.

Visitors to Tourist Spot U.S.A.! will take the newly created and dedicated exit from the highway and for a mere $10.00 be able to park their vehicle in our expansive parking lot. From there they can catch the shuttle bus to Tourist Spot U.S.A.! The shuttle is free although tips are encouraged for our narrators, who with a small microphone headset will give you and your friends or family a brief history of Tourist Spot U.S.A.! peppered with various mathematical facts and the occasional family friendly humorous comment. For your convenience the tip jar will be clearly visible. It will most likely be some kind of white, plastic bucket held down on the dash with duct tape and the word “tips” written on it in black Sharpie marker, the small dot on the “I” being drawn as a smiley face.

Once on the property at Tourist Spot U.S.A.! you will have the experience of witnessing thousands of others just like yourself, marveling at the idea that you are all at the biggest tourist area in the world and will be able to prove it with the hundreds of digital photographs you will most likely take.

Tourist Spot U.S.A.! boasts 20 first aid stations, ten large gift shops, 35 food vendors, 200 Portable toilets and ten park benches.

At our food vending areas visitors will have the choice between a variety of Coca-Cola products, hamburgers, hot dogs and ice cream sandwiches. Our gift shops boast thousands of unique items including shot glasses, t-shirts and baseball hats all with the words Tourist Spot U.S.A.! printed on the most noticeable surface area. For a cost of only $5.00, you can have a penny destroyed in one of our old timey penny smashing machines.

On your way back to the shuttle bus area, you’ll notice a bank of coin operated binoculars and for a little bit of pocket change be able to see a mile across the crowds and possibly spot some rare sights. Like a family of 5 or 6 people frantically rummaging through the pockets in the baby’s stroller looking for the digital camera. Or a young teenaged couple walking through the summer heat, foreheads glistening with sweat, wondering if the large fuzzy teddy bear they’ve been carrying around for the past hour should have been something they bought on their way out of Tourist Spot U.S.A.!